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Haunted

Cover of Haunted

Haunted

A Novel
Haunted is a novel made up of twenty-three horrifying, hilarious, and stomach-churning stories. They're told by people who have answered an ad for a writer's retreat and unwittingly joined a...
Haunted is a novel made up of twenty-three horrifying, hilarious, and stomach-churning stories. They're told by people who have answered an ad for a writer's retreat and unwittingly joined a...
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Description-
  • Haunted is a novel made up of twenty-three horrifying, hilarious, and stomach-churning stories. They're told by people who have answered an ad for a writer's retreat and unwittingly joined a "Survivor"-like scenario where the host withholds heat, power, and food. As the storytellers grow more desperate, their tales become more extreme, and they ruthlessly plot to make themselves the hero of the reality show that will surely be made from their plight. This is one of the most disturbing and outrageous books you'll ever read, one that could only come from the mind of Chuck Palahniuk.

    BONUS: This ebook edition includes an excerpt from Chuck Palahniuk's Doomed.

 
Awards-
Excerpts-
  • From the book

    Guinea PigsThis was supposed to be a writers' retreat. It was supposed to be safe.
    An isolated writers' colony, where we could work,
    run by an old, old, dying man named Whittier,
    until it wasn't.
    And we were supposed to write poetry. Pretty poetry.
    This crowd of us, his gifted students,
    locked away from the ordinary world for three months.

    And we called each other the "Matchmaker." And the "Missing Link."
    Or "Mother Nature." Silly labels. Free-association names.
    The same way--when you were little--you invented names for the plants and
    animals in your world. You called peonies--sticky with nectar and crawling with
    ants--the "ant flower." You called collies: Lassie Dogs.
    But even now, the same way you still call someone "that man with one leg."
    Or, "you know, the black girl . . ."

    We called each other:
    The "Earl of Slander."
    Or "Sister Vigilante."
    The names we earned, based on our stories. The names we gave each other,
    based on our life instead of our family:
    "Lady Baglady."
    "Agent Tattletale."
    Names based on our sins instead of our jobs:
    "Saint Gut-Free."
    And the "Duke of Vandals."
    Based on our faults and crimes. The opposite of superhero names.

    Silly names for real people. As if you cut open a rag doll and found inside:
    Real intestines, real lungs, a beating heart, blood. A lot of hot, sticky blood.
    And we were supposed to write short stories. Funny short stories.
    Too many of us, locked away from the world for one whole
    spring, summer, winter, autumn--one whole season of that year.

    It doesn't matter who we were as people, not to old Mr. Whittier.
    But he didn't say this at first.
    To Mr. Whittier, we were lab animals. An experiment.

    But we didn't know.
    No, this was only a writers' retreat until it was too late for us to be anything,
    except his victims.

    1.

    When the bus pulls to the corner where Comrade Snarky had agreed to wait, she stands there in an army-surplus flak jacket--dark olive-green--and baggy camouflage pants, the cuffs rolled up to show infantry boots. A suitcase on either side of her. With a black beret pulled down tight on her head, she could be anyone.

    "The rule was . . . ," Saint Gut-Free says into the microphone that hangs above his steering wheel.

    And Comrade Snarky says, "Fine." She leans down to unbuckle a luggage tag off one suitcase. Comrade Snarky tucks the luggage tag in her olive-green pocket, then lifts the second suitcase and steps up into the bus. With one suitcase still on the curb, abandoned, orphaned, alone, Comrade Snarky sits down and says, "Okay."

    She says, "Drive."

    We were all leaving notes, that morning. Before dawn. Sneaking out on tiptoe with our suitcase down dark stairs, then along dark streets with only garbage trucks for company. We never did see the sun come up.

    Sitting next to Comrade Snarky, the Earl of Slander was writing something in a pocket notepad, his eyes flicking between her and his pen.

    And, leaning over sideways to look, Comrade Snarky says, "My eyes are green, not brown, and my hair is naturally this color auburn." She watches as he writes green, then says, "And I have a little red rose tattooed on my butt cheek." Her eyes settle on the silver tape recorder peeking out of his shirt pocket, the little-mesh microphone of it, and she says, "Don't write dyed hair. Women either lift or tint the color of their hair."

    Near them sits Mr. Whittier, where his spotted, trembling hands can grip the folded chrome frame of his wheelchair. Beside him sits Mrs. Clark, her breasts so big they almost rest...

About the Author-
  • Chuck Palahniuk's six novels are the bestselling Diary, Choke, Lullaby, Fight Club--which was made into a film by director David Fincher--Survivor, and Invisible Monsters. He is also the author of a profile of Portland, Fugitives and Refugees, and the nonfiction collection Stranger Than Fiction. He lives in the Pacific Northwest.

Reviews-
  • The Miami Herald

    "Reading a Palahniuk novel is like getting zipped inside a boxer's heavy bag while the author goes to work on you, pounding you until there is nothing left but a big bag of bones and blood and pain."

  • The New York Post "To Palahniuk's credit, there is something here to appall almost every sensibility. The author has a singular knack for coming up with inventive new ways to shock and degrade."
  • Minneapolis Star Tribune "Frequently entertaining [and] often appalling. . . . There are paragraphs here--entire pages, in fact--that are as disgusting as anything I've ever read. Truly vivid and harrowing (and often quite funny)."
  • Time Out New York "Summer reading for people who like their lit doused in bodily fluids.. . . Haunted has an anarchic sensibility that hurdles over the top."
  • Tucson Citizen "Chuck Palahniuk is one of the most intriguing writers of our time. [Haunted ] is a blend of stories that are among the most horrifying, stomach-churning and mind-blowing tales ever encountered."
  • Greensboro News & Record "Chuck Palahniuk's rightful place is among literary giants. He combines the masculinity of Ernest Hemingway, the satirical bent of Juvenal and the attitude of Lenny Bruce."
  • New York Post "To Palahniuk's credit, there is something here to appall almost every sensibility. The author has a singular knack for coming up with inventive new ways to shock and degrade."
  • Playboy "Funny, always on the edge of reality and bloodied by the profound horror of narcissism."
  • The Fort Myers News-Press "Place this bet in your time capsule: Chuck Palahniuk's novels will be required reading in American literature classes 100 years from now."
  • The Onion "Palahniuk is as unique and colorful as ever."
  • The Cincinnati News Record "Searing and honest. ...His nasty detail and unimaginably horrible scenarios will give some people nightmares. This creepy ?ction masterpiece could be the de?nitive novel of our time for its genre."
  • The Seattle Times "Chuck Palahniuk appears to be going around the bend. ...A satire of reality television--an effective one--but also an homage to horror stories and a meditation on pop culture."
  • The Guardian (London) "The most original work of ?ction this year."
  • Entertainment Weekly "Chuck Palahniuk is up to his old tricks. ...His prose is, as always, gorgeous."
  • Broward--Palm Beach New Times "One part Canterbury Tales, one part Lord of the Flies, and 100 percent classic Palahniuk. ...[His] grisliest book yet."
Title Information+
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    Knopf Doubleday Publishing Group
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  • Copyright Protection (DRM) required by the Publisher may be applied to this title to limit or prohibit printing or copying. File sharing or redistribution is prohibited. Your rights to access this material expire at the end of the lending period. Please see Important Notice about Copyrighted Materials for terms applicable to this content.

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